Wonder

June 6, 2013 § Leave a comment

I’ve been dreaming a lot recently… daydreaming to be exact. For the past few months/years, I stopped dreaming…I was kind of afraid to dream. Because dreaming seems to be the language of heart ache and heart longings – longings that are not met- so I stopped dreaming in order to save my sanity. You know? Logic, “Be practical Catherine” was/is something I say to myself often, “Be practical.” If you are practical you will reduce the probability of disappointment and increase your stability – mental stability – I like that. And honestly, this time of austerity has been a blessing. I will be the first person to tell you that God is not an enemy of common sense – please use your head and for pity sake don’t let your emotions rule your mind (I was the number 1 offender of this so I still tell myself this every day). hehe..  But something changed in me recently – something meaning I was prompted to allow Wonder to take my hand. At first, it was thrilling – like I was being led through a field of fresh, new, tall grass but then I realized that the certainty that I had hoped to find on the other side was actually more aimless trudging… more walking. So I kept going, you see – if this is a real dream (I think real dreams distinguish themselves) then you keep going – you just do. And I thought, Lord you must make a way, if I am to continue, you really must make a way for me. And today, I had a very lovely breakthrough. It is a strange thing to walk through a field of fresh, new, tall grass thinking you will find a beautiful old stone cottage (Echo Lodge) but in its place is actually your very own house. My house? Really? Nahh… that old thing? You mean the house I’ve been sitting in all this time – refusing to go out of – trying desperately to like and finally, now that I’ve wondered and wandered out of it, I’ve actually wandered all the way back home? How boring! hehehe, I didn’t actually have enough time to think all of these things because as I stood and looked at my house I saw that it had changed – my little house was not little anymore. It had sprouted into a tree house. I’ve always wanted to live in a magical tree house (I didn’t know it, but I recently discovered that Lothlórien would be that very place) and oddly enough, my little house had sprouted. I felt kind of silly to have walked such a long way to be home again. But then, my next thought was, “No no, this is not the end. I think I must go out and wonder some more. Who knows how much my little house will grow by the time I get back! The possibilities!” Hehe….

There are seasons when Wonder will knock on your door and with a very sheepish grin insist on taking you out for a walk. “Oh gosh, Thank you but no thank you Wonder, I would prefer to stay here,” is my natural response but when it is the right time (and you will know) you should get out your walking stick and follow. Don’t be afraid and persevere in your wondering when He takes your hand… you will not be lost.

“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” LOTR, Tolkien

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