March 7, 2013 § Leave a comment

Here a dinner was given in Jesus’s honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. John 12:2-3

I read this verse earlier this week and I thought, “Wow, yes of course, the fragrance must have filled that room…” and the imagery was so sweet. I’ve been kind of sad this week, mopey, (I’m not sure why I’m becoming so honest in my blog posts but I figure I have nothing to lose these days). I prayed all last week asking God, “Should I stay in Shanghai?” and after the week was over I had a strong feeling the answer was “stay.” I was happy at first because in my heart I knew that it could be no other way but I wanted a confirmation – I wanted to put my restlessness to rest. But as the realization of staying started to sink into my mind, heart, spirit and soul (I think it went that deep) I started to feel sad/a strange sense of longing for what I was saying no to/what things would not happen or I would miss out on if I stayed here… I would miss my family, seeing my brother’s new baby grow up, my old friends whom I miss still, my idea of who I thought I would become… It’s all so different than I imagined… I will have spent most of my 20’s in China. And I know this isn’t a bad thing. I know it’s a blessing… I really do… haha, then why am I moping!! Sigh… I don’t know…

So I thought back to this verse. Mary, was an unmarried woman with expensive perfume saved. I’m sure she was waiting to use it for a special occasion – for her wedding/ for when she got married – but instead she took it to anoint Jesus, the one she loved. And she poured it all out, then got down low and used her hair to wipe off the perfume. I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about this Bible story or didn’t really know how to think about it so it  shocked me when I read it a few days ago…. taking something so precious to you and then pouring it out until its gone then getting down low to rub it off onto the floor – then it’s really gone. What kind of love is that? The part that really caught my attention was “And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” When I think about that, I take a deep breath and imagine this fragrance… And then I realize, this is where I want to be… a place where I willingly pour out all that I love onto the one I love… and then I get down so low because getting low is where I want to be and wipe the feet of the one I love because His presence/his very being is what I want to have… and that fragrance – that pouring out – will fill the room – will fill the air we breath with a sweet fragrance that otherwise would not been there… but now it’s filling the room and sweetness is the mandatory smell.

Sweetness is inescapable… Oh man, hahahaha, I guess this is a piece of some great masterpiece I will only understand in heaven. But I’m glad it starts here on earth and now. I really can’t get away. Because where can I go? hahhaa… goodnight

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